Relationships

Humans, like their primate ancestors, are known to be social beings. Unlike other species of animals that operate in solitary mode, humans develop communities to help ensure their survival. This has been a fact as evidenced by anthropological data, and it is still applicable today. Humans have the unique ability to convey or communicate in an effective manner. Aside from that, the intellect of humans surpasses that of all other animals in his kingdom. The ancestral communities that man had established are now the countries and societies present in the modern world.

When it comes to communicating and interacting with the same species, how does the kind of relationship affect the health of an individual? Relationships are vital in helping a person survive in the environment he lives in. These may be classified as intrapersonal relationships and interpersonal relationships. There are many who believe that a good intrapersonal relationship should be established within ones mind, in order for him to build better ones with the people around him.

The basic ideas that we are presenting apply to all relationships, but our emphasis is on primary relationships where two people are living together over time. Many of us grew up believing that the idea of love was very simple. You met someone and fell in love and if love was present then that was all that was necessary for a great relationship. At least this was the fairy tale fantasy that many people bought into. But we have noticed that this is not how it is in the real world. Although love is very important to most people, it alone will not do the job of preserving relationship. You need love and you need a commitment to working toward personal growth for yourselves and for the relationship as well. The personal work gives you the means to deal with the amazing variety of challenges that can destroy love, and the love gives you the magical elixir that makes all the work worthwhile.

It would be unreal to expect all primary relationships to remain together forever. Although we know this, it is still painful to us to watch relationships disintegrate amid great pain and suffering. This is particularly true when the two partners concerned have no understanding of a few fundamental principles of relationship.

The issue for us, however, is not whether or not a particular relationship remains intact. For us the primary issue is learning to recognize that any relationship can be a teacher once you know how to take advantage of the teachings it brings. This idea of relationship as teacher is very basic to our approach and in our view it can be deeply healing to the process of relationship. When used this way relationship can become a path to emotional and spiritual growth that is extraordinary in its scope and depth.

Since we first met many years ago, relationship has been our primary teacher. Our discovery of the many selves that live within each of us was a personal and relational revolution for both of us. Nevertheless, like every other couple we know, we had to learn about relationship by living it, by tripping over ourselves and getting up over and over again, and, most of all, by always recognizing that we were truly teachers for each other.

For many years we struggled with the conflict between surrendering to another person and maintaining our own separate identities. If we analyze any relation ship it is an evident fact that the failure of any relationship is due to the lack of communication and misunderstanding between the partners. We learned to trust that out relationship would take us exactly where we needed to go. As we learned to trust this process and as we did the work with ourselves and with each other that the process required, we learned that this kind of surrender required a great deal of work on both of our parts. It is our hope that our ideas will make your own path a little bit easier.

At the level of the family, the influence of the parents on the children make an impact on what kind of people they can become as part of human society. Important values and lessons should be taught at an early age, and reinforced throughout the child’s growth and development well into adulthood. As the child reaches school age, he is exposed to other people with whom he can establish relationships with.

Peer to peer relationships, in some cases, have been said to be strong influences for a child, sometimes even more persuasive than that of a parent and child relationship. Because a person who belongs with his peers feels more connected, much of behavior can be affected in return. Not all peer relationships are negative in nature. In fact, there are times that this should be highly encouraged, as this contributes to social and emotional stability of an individual. In the case of the parents, they should still be aware of the peer groups in which their child is associated with.

Romantic relationships can begin at almost any age in life. For the parents of adolescents, this aspect in the social growth of their child is a big concern, much like that of schooling or education. Though most parents interfere with the choices of dates that their children go along with, some people recommend allowing their children to decide on their own. Interference may possibly lead to miscommunication, and this is an ineffective barrier when it comes to relationships.

The human as a social being depends on others for more than just physical survival. Emotional needs and mental well-being are reinforced and strengthened through the quality of relationships an individual surrounds himself with.
 

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